Be it Resolved...

...we got a lot of problems with your resolutions.

The following are the proposed resolutions to the MN GOP party platform that were voted on and approved at the February 7th, Republican precinct caucuses for Senate District 59 (hereafter referred to as SD59) in Minneapolis.

The SD59 convention was held this past Saturday at Folwell park. It was a goddamn grueling 9 hour affair (which in and of itself is bad enough that I shouldn't have to mention it was sunny and 67 degrees out but what the hell I will....) in which delegates and alternates were elected to the upcoming 5th Congressional District convention and the State convention (it is from both of those conventions that delegates are elected for the National Convention in Tampa). I did manage to shoot a little bit of video so we'll see if I can get some of it uploaded here.

Anywhoooo......back to resolutions.

I probably should have done a better job of marking which of these following resolutions passed and which ones failed (you'll notice that some of them do have an "F" by them signifying they failed) but believe me, it's hard enough just making sure the newbies have their credentials and that unseated alternates aren't voting. * I will try to follow up this thread with a list of which of the following passed or failed.

I would however like to speak on a couple/few (or perhaps more seeing as how this is my blog) of the resolutions as it should go without saying that yours truly actually descended into lengthy allegory on the virtues of free markets, principles, integrity, and the recipe for actual societal betterment (hint: it's not a microwavable meal). At this point you may wish to scroll down to the two paged document and open in a separate window so that you may follow along.

#1. First off, you'll notice it states "Flat tax" then proceeds to outline two rates. #EpicFail

Apparently these Republicans also believe that if you make more, you pay more (more for government that is). Being opposed to the income tax, I spoke in opposition to this resolution on those very points.


#15. More big government a la Rick Santorum and the "compassionate" conservative Neo-Con movement. I see some lessons are hard to learn....

Once again I declared: "Mr. Chairman, fellow Republicans herein, I rise in opposition to this resolution on the grounds that less is more. If we are to speak of less government, less intervention, less regulation, then we mustn't only talk the talk we must walk it. If you are opposed to indocrination and to a curriculum that doesn't comport with your values or the values you wish to instill upon your children then you strike it down. What a teeter-totter it would be, growing and feeding leviathan giving them theirs and you taking yours."

I should say that my allegorical persuasion was beginning to have an effect upon the delegation as this resolution failed.


#18. Defining words...

It was at this point in the convention where I really hit my stride rising in opposition to "Defending the Definition of Marriage". Nevermind that the obvious questions arise "Defend it how; with guns? with tanks? How about drone strikes? Defend it from whom? For whom?"

Continuing with my allegorical approach....

It was perhaps that I was hungry that I began thinking about a great chili recipe I'd made the weekend before (use 1lb ground turkey instead of tempeh) and proceeded to use it as a metaphor when speaking in opposition to the resolution. The chili is a fabulous dish which incorporates Guiness Stout, dark chocolate, black beans, Shitake mushrooms, cilantro, etc.

When I first heard the recipe my initial reaction too was "Beer and chocolate? Huh." I proceeded to tell the delegation that while these ingredients might not seem to "marry" together in fact they very much do as this is a fabulous dish. My analogy was met with an eruption of applause.


#19 ??? Uh...NEWSFLASH!!!

But, I digress...if I want to have a craps table in my basement I ought to be able to.


#26 We really gotta do something about those goddamn environmentalists don't we?

As a student of Austrian Economics I spoke in opposition to this. Once again we have another shining example of how intellectually deficient much of the Republican party is when it comes to the very free-market principles of which they speak. Get out the way...get out get out the way....

I reminded the delegation that former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty signed this which subsequently led to this and then there was this which led me and my liberty breathen to do this which subsequently led to this and this.

After speaking in opposition to the motion, a motion to amend came from the back of the room proposing to do this:

26. T̶o̶ ̶s̶t̶r̶e̶n̶g̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶A̶m̶e̶r̶i̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶e̶c̶o̶n̶o̶m̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶d̶r̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶A̶m̶e̶r̶i̶c̶a̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶d̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶r̶e̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶l̶d̶,̶ ̶e̶n̶e̶r̶g̶y̶ ̶i̶n̶d̶e̶p̶e̶n̶d̶e̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶r̶e̶n̶e̶w̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶e̶n̶e̶r̶g̶y̶ ̶t̶e̶c̶h̶n̶o̶l̶o̶g̶i̶e̶s̶ ̶n̶e̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶v̶o̶c̶a̶b̶u̶l̶a̶r̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶d̶i̶r̶e̶c̶t̶i̶v̶e̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶R̶e̶p̶u̶b̶l̶i̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶P̶a̶r̶t̶y̶.̶ ̶S̶e̶e̶ ̶T̶h̶o̶m̶a̶s̶ ̶F̶r̶e̶e̶d̶m̶a̶n̶,̶ ̶“̶H̶o̶t̶,̶ ̶F̶l̶a̶t̶,̶ ̶&̶a̶m̶p̶;̶ ̶C̶r̶o̶w̶d̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶W̶o̶r̶k̶s̶.̶”̶ ̶A̶n̶t̶i̶t̶h̶e̶s̶i̶s̶:̶ ̶V̶a̶n̶ ̶J̶o̶n̶e̶s̶.̶

and instead do this:

26. Do whatever is necessary to become energy independent.

Which of course led to this.

Mind you that was a blessing of sorts as the resolution again met #EpicFail.

#29. For the love of allegory and food memes I, yes once again, rose in opposition to the resolution on the basis that a primary is indeed quick, easy, relatively painless; a microwave meal of sorts which doesn't taste that good, isn't all that gratifying, and can potentially result in giving you a case of the shits (sparing them of course this last visual).

Conversely however, a caucus system is akin to planting a seed, growing a garden, weeding it and watching it grow, harvesting the crop, and then cutting some tomatoes, chopping some onions and garlic, picking some basil, throwing that all in a pot, letting it simmer, adding some more things, calling over some friends, and sitting around talking and laughing and sharing and essentially building bonds, relationships, and communities one meal at a time. It takes far more effort (9 goddamn hours!!) but in the end it is far more gratifying, far more healthy, and far more beneficial.

Change is going to require much more than simply pulling yourself away from the television long enough to stand in line to color in some circles on a ballot. I chalk the resolution up to apathy, complacency, instant gratification, laziness, lack of fortitude. True enough we all get busy but if you can't commit yourself to a few hours one evening out of the year to gather around with your like minded neighbors....

#31. Wow. All I can say is wow.

We thought it might have been fun to get some of the delegation riled up by moving to strike "English" and replace with "Farsi" (ya know just for shits and giggles) but the convention was already dragging on and we were anxious to move along with the order of business.

So there ya have it.

We'll have more updates as the conventions approach (5th Congressional District: Saturday, April 14th and MN State Convention May 18th/19th).